Head in the clouds
by JustThatGirl97
Summary: Bella has had a tragic past and it affects her daily life by the nightmares that haunt her. When she moves to Forks she meets a lifeline, Edward. Too bad Edward has a girlfriend though. Not your typical I'm-in-love-with-my-best-friend story.
1. Dreams

Head in the Clouds…

I believe in Karma.  
What goes around comes around.  
How can it not?  
Don't the people who have been treated badly deserve the little satisfaction that the person that treated_ them _badly gets treated badly in return?  
Don't we deserve at least that?

No.  
I also believe in fate.

Things happen for a reason.  
There is a cause and consequence for everything.

It's basic history.

If I hadn't moved to aunt's house,

I would have never gone to Forks High,

And,

I would have never met Edward,

And,

I would have never fallen in love,

Only to get my heart broken by the bully,

He called 'Tanya'  
but little did he know,

That 'Tanya'

Isn't

What

He

Thinks

She

Is.

Hi, my name is Bella,

And this is my life.

Chapter 1 

I gazed out my window and sighed.

How little can life mean to everyone? Life is somewhat the base of our existence. We were given to cherish it and live it to the fullest, yet some people _waste _it. My aunt told me to respect life and be elated to the fact how lucky I am to be alive. It the metaphorical sense that is. After my parents died, she's been saying that a lot. I understand how lucky I am. But I believe in fate. These things we're meant to happen and no one can mess or predict the future.

Well, not that we're aware of.

I was right now in the petty class they called Trigonometry. Why study it?

That question is another to add to my daily growing list. I looked around the room and at my fellow classmates. Most of them were popping their gum and doodling on their books, like I said before, wasting life. I don't have to be a physic to determine that after this class they would go running to their other half because that's what we do in high school. So wrapped up in our emotions…people go beyond extremes to get what they want. They always have.

They would lie, manipulate, _bully _the person into thinking or doing something to get what they want and they usually get it. These types of people won't do well in life I predict.

And to think, people don't even stop to watch the clouds slowly pass by all day, an opportunity tragic to miss…

"Miss Swan I suggest you pay attention or I will send you to the office" Mr. Barker's voice boomed from the front of the classroom, glaring at my dazed expression. The class snickered and rolled their eyes at me. I fought back a scowl and glared at the clock.

5 more minutes and I was free.

Edward always said sum up the seconds and it makes you feel better.

_Edward…_

My best friend, the one true person that understands me. That was one of the reasons I loved him…

I know it sounds hypercritical that I just said that all of us teenagers were crazy about our emotions…but I just know that this is what love is. It's exactly how my parents described it, but more…

I can't help but smile whenever I think of him,

My heart skips a beat when I do see him,

I feel comforted and safe around him,

I can actually picture a future with him,

And,

I feel jealous and broken-hearted whenever I see him with Tanya.

But maybe I'm just insane.

The bell went and I shot out of the door, and right into the man himself.

_Think of the devil…._

"Morning sunshine, the earth says Hello!" he greeted, grinning at me.

"You watch Charlie's chocolate factory too often, you know that?" I grinned back; he nudges you to the side playfully.

"Roald Dahl is an amazing author, you should know that!" he exclaimed taking out a copy of 'Esiotrot'.

"I prefer Matilda myself." I smirked, pulling out my copy of the book.

"Touché," he sighed.  
"So what does Esiotrot mean anyway?" I asked, looking at the cover.  
"Are you serious? Esiotrot. Think, Bella, think." His eyes were wide with fake shock. I thought,

Ok,  
Esiotrot

Backwards?

Tortoise.

Oh.

"Tortoise?" I asked looking at the cover, there was a picture of a tortoise funnily enough. Edward picked me up and spun me around,  
"That's my girl, smart as a….smart person." He said, still hugging me.

"Can't...breathe." I choked out; he complied and put me down.

"That's my girl…weak as a….weak person." He said sheepishly.

"You _need _to get better syllables," I smirked and rolled my eyes.

"Not all of us can be Shakespeare's-to-be." He smirked right back.

"Yes but you are in the junior year, you can at least figure out a word, Edward" I tutted, laughing at him.

"Keep on saying that, we all know you're a brainbox." He laughed, I glared at him.  
I wrote my first poem when I was nine; my teacher said it was amazing for a nine-year-old. I can still remember it. I was real mature for my age, well that's what everyone seems to tell me.

**Twilight **

_  
The sun sets slowly,_

_Taking the day with it._

_Another day, another small eternity._

_Just after day,_

_just before the night._

_The safest time of day, appeals to us._

We were writing about times of day and I had always loved twilight, it was the bridge at the end of the sunshine and the start of the night, some people would call it 'sunset' but its still counted as sun so it was still daylight.

The next poem I wrote was when I was 13 after my parents funeral, I let all my emotions slide onto the paper.

**Broken **

_I'm too tired to fight_

_As I lay here in my bed._

_I know it's foolish to think of you tonight._

_For one brief thought, choosing pain instead._

_And every time I do this,_

_I shake inside my core._

_Images of you erase the numb,_

_But oh my god I want you so much more._

_For minutes, without pain, I will remember -_

_Inside my head your mouth does lie._

_And to your glory I will surrender_

_Though I've already said my last good-bye._

_So you pull away and change into nothing._

_I slump back and await my defeat._

_My eyes, they burn, they prick, they sting,_

_Curling up, pains of flame without the heat._

_The hole inside rips wide like a mocking window,_

_But I wonder if I can even call it pain._

_Because without the balance of happiness I don't know_

_Anything but the constant of 'again.'_

Ever since then I have written a daily poem to let my emotions out, it just helps me out.

"Eddie Baby!" I heard a nasally voice call out, I groaned internally when I figured out that voice.

_Tanya. _

"Hey, how are you, love?" Edward asked politely, kissing her cheek and wrapping an arm around her waist, queue heart chipping.

"I'm great, I just had Mr Letchworth and he was, like, totally calling on me for _everything _so I told him that I wasn't as smart as, like, boffin Bella and oh wait it's here," she sneered at me.

"Yep, I'm still here. How lovely to be of your acquaintance again, Tanya." I murmured politely, not quite as much as hateful as her, but we've always been enemies so….

"Whatever go right a poem or something," she spat at me and stroked Edward's chest.  
Edward had always stayed out of our way when we fought, he didn't like arguments.

"I think I will head off, seems like I'm unwanted here…" I waited for Edward to stick up for me, but it never came. "Bye…?"

I walked off, tears fresh in my eyes. Why? Just for once why can't he stick up for me? He's a different person with her, but he's still the same. It's so annoying. Time for a poem I guess….

**Love and Hate**

_I hate that you changed._

_I hate that you're the same._

_I hate that you left._

_I hate how you've stayed._

_I hate how I cry._

_I hate how you make me smile._

_I hate how I miss you._

_I hate how I feel._

_I hate how it hurts._

_I hate that it's my fault._

_I hate that it's yours._

_I hate that I can't be around you._

_I hate how I've lost you._

_I hate how I've found out who you really are._

_I hate that I can't tell you any of this._

_But most of all,_

_I hate how I can't hate you,_

_Not even a little._

_I hate how I still love you _

Truer words cannot be spoken.

The final bell rang and I scooped up my stuff and headed for my locker. The hustle and bustle of the school hallways was at its highest point of the school day, filled with gossip and rumours most likely to be pessimistic and positively about boys.

"_Mike Newton is hooking up with Jessica Stanley AND Lauren Mallory, but NEITHER of them knows about the other!" _A cheerleader whispered to a fellow cheerleader loudly, while I was rolling my eyes. With that being the 'Latest Gossip' by tomorrow everyone will know about it and Mike Newton's social status will plummet to a very low standard.  
I could almost predict the future.  
But, of course, no one will ever know.

"Bella!" A familiar high-pitched voice called, I could feel myself smirking at the sound. I felt two cool arms wrap around my waist for a vice-like hug.

"Good Afternoon, Alice" I chuckled, turning around and hugging her back myself. She rocked us side to side a few times before releasing me. Alice Cullen was Edward's little sister. And I say the term little not in the time sense. In actual _age___Alice was 9 months older than him but in _height _lets just say Edward's t-shirt on Alice could be a ball gown if she wanted. The girl is a living pixie.  
"How are you?" She asked, moving my bangs so that they looked neater. Apparently, I can't dress for shit.

"Fine…I guess…" I trailed off; looking in the direction of wear Edward and Tanya were canoodling.

"She following him like a puppy dog?" Alice guessed, glaring at Tanya and ruffling my hair. "There perfect." She mused.

"Mhmm, and yet when she insults me to my face, he says nothing. I don't get it, Alice." I sighed, shutting my locker and facing her.  
"Bella, Edward is a guy. He may not be like every other guy in this very school but there are still genes of it. He loves you Bella, but he hasn't realised it yet. He's blinded by that goddamn fake bitch. But believe me Bella, he will." Alice fumed; smoke almost coming out of her ears.

"It doesn't matter anyway, Alice. He looks so happy with her…I would hate to ruin that for my own selfishness." I sighed looking at Edward's smile. It was so…perfect. It was like his entire face lit up and radiates around the room, causing everyone else to smile with him, even though he could be smiling at the saddest thing in the world, we would smile.

"But, Bella, please can't you see?!" Alice stage whispered, pointing to Edward looking away quickly, grimacing, and looking back all smiles again. "Can you see THAT Bella?! I bet you can! And dear god, do NOT come up with some lame excuse about 'It was probably just a bad smell' or some shit like that! If you respect my sanity you will not say that!" Alice squeaked

"Alice, you lost you sanity a LONG time ago!" I chuckled and put on my coat. She rolled her eyes and mimicked my laugh.

"Oh HAR HAR. Its SO funny! Anyway…I gotta jet" she grinned, fixing her makeup. I smirked at her.  
"Hot date with Mr. Hale?"

"The very one. I'll call you later!" She chirped before skipping off.  
"You better!" I rolled my eyes and started to walk down the hallway, putting my earphones in my ear, having the drowning sound of 'Jimmy Eat World' fill my eyes and block out my hopeless thoughts. I felt one of my earphones being pulled out and turned around to glare.

"Glaring at me, Swan" A silky voice purred in my ear, grinning at me.

"Whatever, Cullen, I'm in a hurry so make it snappy" I smirked at him, indicating the exit.

"Well I am so sorry, please forgive me for wanting to talk to my bestest friend in the world…but if she is too busy to spare a minute for her dear best friend, who loves her so much…but of course…" He pouted and started to turn…

"Wait," I sighed, defeated. He ALWAYS knew how to get around me, no matter how angry or upset I was at him. Always.

"What is it that you want, Cullen?" I rolled my eyes and faced him.

"Well…I _was _thinking that we could hang out this weekend but if your scheduled is full I can be flexible…" he grinned.

"Since when have I ever had a life?" I glanced around, nervously.

"Some people are so blind, Bella, some people just won't give you a chance," he murmured.

_Why can't you follow your own advice? _

**A/N – Ha! First Chapter is UP!  
I might be slow updating =)  
Forgive me!  
But I think this is a kick-ass first chapter!**


	2. Nightmare

**A/N – Thanks for all my reviewers. They were really nice =) **

**Here's the next chapter – Enjoy. **

**BPOV**

Grey clouds, grey skies, grey mood.

Grey, grey, grey.

Ha, it was funny how the weather can affect someone's mood like that, or how my mood can affect the weather. I tried to put on a smile but the skies new better than that, in fact, it started to rain.

_My oh' my the sky is crying…do they expect me to cry too? _I thought bitterly, I was past all the tears; it was now more of a silent remorse, I don't particularly like to show any signs of weakness towards the enemy, yes you named it the social cliques.  
Why in god's name was that invented? Was it to make the smart people feel like they were shit? Or was it to give the dumb asses some happy time before their moment of fame was up and they had no chance of making it in the real world – reality as I like to call it. I, on the other hand, was a social pariah, just floating my way through high school without a penny to my name. There was the few that knew me. I doubt for any good reasons but they knew me all the same, especially when I first moved here. I was _the new girl_, the buzzing gossip of that week. It was only after a week that they determined that I was a freak. They knew my parents died, they made up rumours. Some of them were scarily close to the truth, but I didn't show. The truth was in reality much worse that that.

If it wasn't for Edward, I honestly wouldn't have had any friends here. They all judged me for what I came here for and not what I am. I bet that if I was the Police chief's daughter or something crap like that I would get more attention, heck I bet the all-too-famous Mike Newton would be more than friendly to welcome me to his kingdom, otherwise known as his lunch table. But, no, I sat by myself for that first lunchtime. It was only when we were paired up in biology that Edward and I started to talk, we argued and laughed and still managed to get our experiment done. That was the beauty of our friendship. Being the gentlemen he his, he invited me to sit at his table at lunch which I gracefully accepted. Turns out his relatives are quite the people. Those were the friends I would carry for the rest of my life, quirky Alice, calm Jasper, hilarious Emmett and fiery Rosalie. All so beautiful, but nothing could compare to my Edward. Edward was just…_so_ perfect.

_But he's also _so_ Tanya's. _A voice in the back of my head reminded me. I really wish that voice would shut up sometimes. But, alas, that voice is true. Edward was in fact not mine and there was nothing I could really do about it. Well, I could, but I wasn't going to ruin Edward's happiness like that.

"Bella!" Aunt Maria called, "Dinner is ready!" I sighed and got off my bed, papers of poems flying everywhere. My room was a freaking pig-sty. But it's not like anyone ever comes round here. I go round Edward's house. It's a much friendlier environment. My Aunt is a tiny bit resentful at me because I killed her only brother and grandson, the heir keep the Swan name alive. I haven't told anybody that I had a brother; it just kills me to even _think_ about it. I was meant to protect him, he was only 2.

Jayden Oliver Swan.

He was tiny, being prematurely birthed and he had light brown curly hair. He had mums grey eyes and dad's miniature dimples. He laughed way too much and loved anything to do with strawberries. He slept way too much and had an infectious giggle. He loved the sun, which was convenient since we lived in Arizona. He enjoyed watching comedy, he laughed at all the right moments. My dad joked that he would be a comedian when he was older. We all thought that-

I can't get myself too wound up in my past shit. Brought too much pain. I still had the last family picture of us underneath the pillow. It was Maria's, it was the 'seasons greetings' card we sent last Christmas when Jayden was just a baby. I couldn't bring myself to look at it. Or show anyone it. The questions would naturally pop up.

I made my way downstairs and into the dining room. Mac and Cheese, original. I murmured thanks a digged in to the rubbery pasta. I hid my grimaces of disgust well enough that she didn't comment on it.

"How was school today, Bella?" She asked politely, downing her pasta with whiskey. I snorted quietly down at the table.

"It was…fine I guess." I mused, pushing the plate away from me. The answer wasn't good enough obviously because she continued to pry some more.

"Any homework? I haven't heard from that Edward fellow in a while…" Ah, Edward, why am I not surprised? Ever since I mentioned Edward was my friend she harassed me like hell. If it wasn't so annoying I would be embarrassed.

"I've finished my homework and Edward's fine," I smiled forcefully, putting the conversation to a close, she just nodded suspiciously.

We ate in silence for the rest of the meal.

I collected the plates and washed them thoroughly before the phone rang as per usual at exactly 7:00.

"Hello Alice," I laughed into the phone, knowing it was already her. I heard a swift sigh on the other end and then a chuckle.

"Hi Bella, how did you know it was me? It could have been Edward," she complained lightly, but I could practically see the smile on her face.

"You always call at exactly Seven o'clock. It's kind of creepy to be honest," I grinned, looking around. Maria was in the living room watching some kind of soap opera.

_Why watch one when you practically live in one oh so charming Aunt? _I thought.

"Well, do you want to hear about my date or not?" she asked excitedly but a little impatiently.

"I have a feeling that you are going to tell me anyway so go ahead." I snorted into the phone.

"Well, he took me to a private beach and oh my goodness, Bella, it was amazing! It had a white gazebo with lights all around it and he asked me to dance and we had a picnic and we watched the sun set. I even think my mum has fallen in love with him," she sighed dreamily into the phone, which I had to giggle at.

"So I take it your head over heels in love?" I smiled. Alice and Jasper really were perfect for each other. Energetic and calm. They…fitted each other.

"I've never felt like this with anyone ever before, Bella." Alice whispered into the phone.

"I know how you feel, Alice." I murmured, running my fingers through my hair.

"He'll come around, trust me. Can't you see he's finally getting sick of her? He's just way too polite to dump her." She muttered, annoyed.

"Even then, Alice, I wouldn't ruin his happiness. It would make the friendship so awkward if I do say anything," I sighed into the phone, checking my watch. "Listen, I have to go, I'll see you at school," I said, licking my dry lips.

"Sure, bye Bella!" Alice chirped before hanging up.

I sighed and walked upstairs.

My room was still the same when I got there. Messy, dark and…lonely. Very, very lonely. An emotion I had grown accustomed too over the past year or so. Ever since…no.

I changed into my simple pyjamas and entered the bathroom, brushing my teeth and combing my hair. I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror. Plain, plain, plain. Brown hair, brown eyes and small. Nothing unique about me.  
I climbed into bed and switched off the light, falling into slumber. My dreams were pretty empty until the nightmare began…

_It was a sunny afternoon in Phoenix and my family were on a road trip to my grandma's house for a summer BBQ, with the rest of my family. _

'_Sweet home Alabama, Lord I'm coming home to you,' the radio sang, causing the rest of us to laugh and sing along, all of our voices out of tune. But even Jayden laughed to the beat, leaning his head on the window. Soon enough, we were clapping our hands to the beat, laughing uncontrollably and singing at the top of our lungs. Charlie turned his head back to look at us, laughing at Jayden._

_That's when I saw it. A furniture truck in the middle of the road, facing sideways. I stopped singing. The car was getting closer and closer to that truck. Dad noticed my distress and turned to face the road. He slammed the brakes so fast that the car toppled over, causing us all to scream. The car landed on its front again, but the windows were smashed and the roof had crumpled a lot lower. I was gasping with air, I was injured and bleeding, I couldn't move my legs, but I was alive._

"_M-m-mum?" I asked, shakily. No reply. My heart filled with dread.  
"D-dad?" I squeaked. I sucked in a breath when I heard no reply again. My chest was heaving with heavy sobs, just willing to burst out._

_I twisted my head and faced Jayden. His eyes were closed and for once he had a frown on his face. No movement. _

_The car was silent. _

_My cries couldn't contain themselves before I burst out sobbing like no tomorrow._

"_HELP US!" I cried out loudly, "DEAR GOD SAVE MY FAMILY, JAYDEN P-please," I croaked, before falling into unconsciousness. _

I bolted up, tears running down my face like a fucking babies. It was one of those nights were I had nightmares again. Perfect. Like there was a way in hell I would get sleep now.

_You could call Edward…_

I could call Edward. He had known I have nightmares occasionally, but this was the worst in a long time. Normally it was just about the happy times and then coming here….but only rarely did it replay that fateful day.

I slowly tiptoed downstairs and picked up the phone before returning to my room. I dialled the number to his mobile.  
"Hello?" he croaked voice full of sleep.  
"Um, Edward?" I squeaked my voice wavering, damn it sounded like I had been crying as well.  
"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward sounded more alert now, worried even.

"I-I had another n-nightmare. I didn't mean to b-bother you…I just, I just…" I trailed off, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Sshh," Edward soothed, "Don't be silly, you can always call. You stay on the phone with me until you fall asleep, okay?" he murmured.

"O-okay," I whispered, lying down again, closing my eyes fearfully.

He began humming an unfamiliar lullaby, but before I could ask I was out like a light and the phone was out of my hand.

**A/N – New chapter! Yay! I like this story, it's slightly darker than the others, don't you think? Review please!**

**Aw, Edward, you gotta love him…**


	3. Unhappiness

**A/N – Thank you so much to all my lovely reviewers =)  
you're all too kind! **

**Anyways, here's an update! **

**BPOV **

I woke up the next day, groaned, and rolled out of bed, last nights events passing through my mind, groaned again, and got up. Edward was going to be so sceptical today. I had these nightmares rarely, and whenever I did Edward would go crazy protective over me. I would find it cute, but not really under these circumstances. I walked to the bathroom and glanced at myself. My eyes had dark circles in them and were burning of the darkness from the past; I looked like a mad woman. My face looked worn out and tired. My shoulders sagged slightly and I was paler than normal. This is just great. Honestly and truly great. I got out my toothbrush and scrubbed my teeth rigorously. Then, I tried to wash my face, making it look brighter, but all I got was shiny and tired. I looked like an old woman with Botox. I sighed and walked out of the bathroom and back into my bedroom. I picked out a simple outfit: white t-shirt, jeans and a red hoodie, I pulled up the hood, trying to hide my face a little bit more. I pulled on my red converse and grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder. Lastly, I picked up my notebook and held it between my hands and close to my chest. I looked at the floor and picked up the phone, it was still on-call. I gasped and put the phone to my ear.

"Is anyone there?" I murmured into it, biting my lip at how much the phone bill will cost my aunt, or most likely, _me_.  
"Bella, are you okay?" Edwards whisper made me jump out of my skin and drop the phone again; I scrambled to pick it up and pressed it to my cheek.

"Have you been on the phone the entire time?" I asked, shocked that he even answered.

"I promised I wouldn't leave you, I just wanted to make sure you were sleeping peacefully. It was kind of unnerving, you didn't talk one bit, silence. I would have thought you were dead if it wasn't for the shallow breaths you were breathing. How are you?" he asked, doubtfully.

He had stayed on the phone for 4 ½ hours straight, just to make sure I was alright? That was so…sweet. Yet, it was so _Edward_.

"You are so strange. And I'm fine, a little tired and nervous but it's normal for me," I told him, walking down the stairs and into the kitchen, fetching a breakfast bar from the cupboard. "Look, I gotta go, I'll see you at school," I said, before I hung up, not waiting for him to say goodbye. I knew that Tanya would be there in a minute since she lives right next to him, she was rich and obsessive. I honestly do not know what Edward see's in her, she's just like everyone else. That's probably why he didn't like me then. Because I wasn't normal, I don't have a normal life, a happy past. I was rather abnormal actually. But, I was alright with that, I was happy. In the day time at least. I sighed and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind me to ease some of the frustration I was feeling.

I looked at my truck for a moment before another flashback of Jayden's dead face entered my mind, making me clutch my head and groan, leaning against the door for support.

_It's just a car; it's just a flipping car. _

I hopped in my truck and drove slowly to school, be extra cautious. I had always been cautious when it comes to driving; to be honest I was sort of scared of it. But I think I had a right to be scared, I lost my family to a car, just a car. I had lost everything to a _car_. That's the reason wow I drive at 10 mph and the more experienced drivers shout at my from out of their window saying I'm taking the piss or something like that. But they didn't understand. They really didn't understand what was wrong with me. The shadow of my past haunts me everyday, every time I walk across that parking lot or be in or even _see _a car go over 50 mph. I drove into the car park and carefully parked my car, ignoring all the complaints about my speed. They didn't know anything, and I'm sure they would be worse if they'd seen what I had seen. The image that was haunting my every step, not allowing me to move forward and forget. It's disturbing really.

"Bella! There you are!" I heard two people sing, I turned to see Alice and Rosalie grinning at me from about 2 metres away, that grin can never be good. I turned around to find somewhere to hide, but I was a goner now. I don't know how I deserve such beautiful friends when I am so plain and boring. I wasn't always like this; in phoenix I was labelled the life of the party. But after it happened, I was the soul left behind at the funeral. Forks was my escape to all the pain I left behind in phoenix, but the past shadows behind me, only appearing in my nightmares and imagination. A tortured soul.

I put on a smile and waved towards the girls. They were growing closer now and I moved away from the car to meet them half way.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked politely, looking around for the guys, they were usually here, with the rare occasion when Edward would be with Tanya, but that hasn't happened recently.

"Oh, you know we're good; hey do you know what's wrong with Edward today? He seemed a bit tense this morning?" Alice said, her eyes narrowing slightly. I mentally groaned at the fact he need answers.

"Where is he? I'll go talk to him," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"He's at the library, doing some research about some yada-poop" she rolled her eyes and turned back to Rose, talking about Monolo's or something like that, whilst I started to walk into school and through to the library, hoping to bring some light to poor Edward.

I entered the ancient library and looked around for Edward, after a lot of search I was about to give up when I passed the medical section, and there he was, huddled in a corner with a large book. I raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"What are you reading?" I asked, grasping his attention causing him to snap his book shut and looking up at me with a worried expression. He turned his book over to hide the cover, trying to make it look casual. I was growing tense and suspicious.  
"Oh, this? It's nothing, just a little biology research." He lied smoothly, but I had been lied to many times before, I could detect it.

"You're lying to me," I sounded as if I felt, hurt. He sighed and looked up at me, his green eyes tired and tense.

"I'm sorry, but I just want to know, why this keeps happening, I'm worried about you Bella." He whispered, tossing the book in my direction. The title '_Mental Problems_' stood out clear as a bell. I found myself growing angry. I looked up and glared at him.

"There's nothing _wrong_ with me, Edward. I'm fine." I muttered, pushing the book away from me, it was making me sick. I wanted to run away and let the tears fall where they may, but I was the one who needed answers.

"Bella, you've been having nightmares almost every week! Please, get some help, you're obviously still mourning over-"

"Don't say that!" I screeched, quite enough not to draw attention to myself, "Don't say that, you would be exactly the same if it happened to Esme, Carlisle and Alice!" I whispered, tears making themselves more evident. "Just think about it, knowing you was there and that there was nothing you could do but watch them-"

"Okay, stop!" Edward whispered, a little breathless, I looked up and saw that his eyes were full of horror and scare.

"Just, don't call me crazy," I muttered, pushing the book further from me. Edward walked around the tables and wrapped his arms around me, comforting me.

"I'm sorry, I just assumed, I'm so sorry, Bella, I just…" he trailed off, stroking my hair.  
"It's fine," I whispered, wiping my eyes, making my hands slightly wet with the tears.

"I better get to class, Tanya is probably wondering where I am," He muttered, letting go of me and grabbing his bag.

_Just this once can you not just hold me through the pain? _I thought bitterly.

"You coming?" He asked, taking my bag and handing to me. I nodded mutely and began walking out of the library. We parted ways to our homeroom and I took my seat next to Jasper. He could sense my distress and leant closer to me.

"Are you okay?" he murmured. I sighed and looked around; no one was looking or listening, just popping their gum like always.

"Not really," I whispered, tapping my fingers lightly on my desk, fiddling a lot.  
"What's wrong? I don't mind if you don't want to tell me," he whispered back, giving me a soft smile which I returned slightly.

"Edward and I had a bit of a fight, but then he apologized, which was fine, but then he goes of to Tanya when I was still upset. It just made me…" I tried to scramble for a word.

"Jealous? Angry? Upset?" He guessed, correctly as well. I flinched slightly at the truth of it all, I _was_ jealous of Tanya. I was upset and mad that he chose her over me. But I was also scared, not a stranger to my emotions but he didn't exactly mention it.

"Yeah…" I murmured, embarrassed. Why was I like this? It wasn't like I deserved someone as good as Edward; he was way out of my league. Heck, I was lucky enough to be his friend. I was too selfish sometimes. Why aren't I happy? I was so lucky. I lived. I just made it through the crash with my physical and mental health to a normal standard. I can still walk and move. I have great friends, the BEST friends a person can have. All my friends and the rest of my family are in good health and are happy. Edward is happy.  
So, why aren't I?


	4. Visiting

**A/N – Sorry I haven't updated in a while! Staying at my Grans =)**

**  
Disclaimer: Yeah, no. **

**BPOV**

After homeroom, I headed for my first class somewhat confused. I couldn't really be mental like Edward said, right? I was normal, this had to be normal. I acted normal; no one else has called me crazy or has suspected anything. Do they even know my parents died? They probably did and just not mention anything. But, did they think I was crazy? Did I act crazy? I don't think I do…but since when were people honest?

This day and age is one of lies and cheat. It's not healthy for our planet, but of course no one cares, they have better things to think about i.e. their hair. This is what annoys me. Well when we all suffer in the decades to come due to global warming, they can't blame anyone but themselves.

_How would you know what crazy is? You lived in happy phoenix for the first 13 years of your life!_

I knew my mum had a tad bit of craziness in her. But it was a good crazy, something I didn't adapt, but Jayden sure did. I remember me and her making this pizza on a Sunday afternoon whilst dad got the groceries. When we put all the basics on it, we started to put crazy stuff on it, like raisins, hula hoops and chocolate buttons. I remember laughing as it baked. And, even though it looks disgusting, we ate every inch of that pizza, laughing the whole time. That was the type of crazy she was. I and everyone else loved her for that though.

I wasn't that type of crazy…

Or was I the other crazy? The ones that you see in the hospital, wailing at no particular thing, with a look of horror in their eyes? The types of eyes that you're scared to look into because it's like you almost see their pasts behind the terror, and you want to help them, because it's so bad.

Was I that type of crazy?

I couldn't be…right?

I mean, sure I have seen my parents and brother die in front of me, their screams, their faces, their blank eyes staring at me, almost telling me this is my fault.

Oh my God, that sounded crazy!

Was Edward right? Should I think about getting some help? No…everything would get worse if I get help. Aunt Maria would send me to a physco's house and that would get everyone talking and I would never see Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Edward again…no. I can not and will not get help. I will have to help myself. Plus, it isn't that bad. I mean, everyone gets nightmares right? Everyone has something bad happening in their life to give them nightmares. It's normal. Totally normal.

My class finished and I waited for Jasper so we can walk out together and too our lockers, which were next to each other. Seconds later, Alice skipped in, kissing Jaspers cheek, and linked arms with me.

"They're macking out there, its disgusting." She hissed, only for me to hear. I felt my heart sky drop. It was so unfair. What did Tanya do to deserve Edward's smooth, soft lips? She was the most selfish, egotistical _bitch _I had ever met. Even the Phoenix Barbies weren't as bad as this!

Edward deserves so much better that her. He deserves the world. Someone who loves him for him and not for his looks. Someone who will take care of him when he needs it, and that they know he needs it even when he says he doesn't. Someone who understands him and will do everything to make him happy.

_Not someone who killed her family. _

"So what, Alice? She's his girlfriend. I think it comes with the perks of having one that they get to make out." I muttered, defeated. I would never win Edward's heart. I was too jaded for him. His type was happy people, full of life and energy.

"Oh, please Bella! You know you hate it just as much as I do. Probably more since you're in love with him." She whispered the last part under her breath.

"I am not!" I lied, biting my lip nervously.

"You so are, you can't even come up with a good excuse!" she giggled and pulled me out of the classroom, Jasper trailing behind us, fumbling with some History books.

"Okay, so we were all going to the theatre's this weekend to see that new vampire movie? Apparently it's got romance and action, so it's a keeper." Alice asked, but I wasn't really listening. All I could see was Tanya and Edward in the middle of the hall, eating each others faces. You would think they couldn't wait until lunch to eat, but no they must be starving. I felt my stomach churn.

"A-Alice, I'll be right back," I choked out before running to the bathroom and puking my stomachs contents out. Urgh, I felt so lame right now. I had thrown up, because I had seen them making out. Really, what is wrong with me? I got up and dragged myself out of the bathroom, my cheeks flaming and my eyes wide. Alice was immediately by my side, asking if I was okay and if I needed to go to the nurse. I just shook my head and began to walk to my next class, the colour never draining from my cheeks.

When lunch came around, I didn't find myself that hungry so I bought a bottle of lemonade and sat in between Emmett and Jasper, looking at the table while the guys were being put off by there food.

"You know, I don't get it. For a town that is named after an eating utensil, the food is crap!" Emmett complained, making us all laugh.

"Maybe you should just move to Knives or Spoons baby," Rosalie cooed, kissing his cheek, making me wince and turn away.

Edward came in soon after that. He had a small smile on his face and his hair was more messed up than usual and his lips swollen. Tanya followed in behind him, wearing that smug smile that made me want to rip her head off. I felt myself breathing heavily and glaring at Tanya whilst Edward walked towards our table, smiling. I glanced at the rest of the table; their expressions were a mix of Anger, disgust and disappointment.

"Hey guys," Edward grinned, "Sorry I'm, err, a little late…" he trailed off sheepishly. I looked down at my bottle and began twisting the lid on and off. Edward sat down next to Alice and we all fell into silence.

"So…you lot aren't that hungry huh?" Edward asked, slightly uncomfortable.

"Not really," we all replied at the same time, but only Emmett and Edward cracked a smile. I was focused on Tanya, who was looking flirtatiously at Mike Newton, running her fingers up and down his arm. I think I was ready to kill.

"What about you," Alice glared at him, squishing her grapes, one by one.

"Oh, I'm not really hungry," He said nervously, running his fingers through his hair.

"He obviously already ate face." Rosalie muttered. The rest of us held back laughter as Edward glared at her, she just shrugged innocently. "What Edward? You can't say it isn't true, you're lip is practically bleeding. Jesus, you do know there is less slutty faces on the market, some girls DO have a brain!" Rosalie ranted, then abruptly stood up and stormed out, flicking her hair behind her shoulder on the way out. Emmett sighed and stood up too mumbling 'Later guys' before following her.

"What is her problem?" Edward grumbled; glaring at the way Rosalie went. Alice looked about ready to blow her top off.

"Well, I don't know Edward. How about we are all sick of seeing Tanya lick your face everyday when you can do SO much better than that!" Alice stood up and stormed out after Rosalie, Jasper fast on her trail. That left just me and Edward.

"Are you going to insult my girlfriend and storm off too?" Edward muttered, gesturing to the door.

"How can I be one to judge? I've done worse," I mumbled, pushing the lemonade away from me, "I'm gonna go…I don't feel well, go sit with Tanya," I smiled slightly at him before exiting the cafeteria and too the nurses office.

"Are you sure you don't want me to call your mom or dad to pick you up?" The nurse asked, blissfully unaware.

"Um…my parents are dead, so I think you won't have much signal. My aunts at work, I can drive its fine," I mumbled, closing my eyes to hide the tears.

"Oh…I'm so sorry dear," The nurse fumbled for the words, "Um…well you can go then…sorry again," Her cheeks were starting to go pink. I made a speedy exit.

_Where to go, where to go…? _

Then I had a thought. It was the perfect place to go. Sure, it was a little far, but I needed to go. I switched off my phone and started the ignition. I drove faster than I ever had to get to the Port Angeles cemetery before the sun went down. I pulled into a parking space and hopped out, locking the door behind me.

I pulled up my hood and creaked open the gate, making my way to where my parents and brother lay. I sat in front of Jayden's grave, in the middle of everyone, laying the strawberry pink rose on the ground.

"Hi, mom, dad, Jayden," I started, nervous. "I miss you…a lot. I don't really like it with Aunt Maria anymore…she treats me bad. I'm doing okay in school, English especially. Apparently I write good poems, but you know how people can lie. My friends are great. Alice is the best, so is Rosalie. And Emmett and Jasper can always make me smile. Edward…is still with Tanya. I don't know what to do. I just wish you were here mom to tell me what do too, dad to tell me to stay away and Jayden to say it will all be alright," I cried, wiping my eyes on my sleeve, "It just gets harder and harder as the days go on, the nightmares are just getting worse…the _guilt _I feel is so…heartbreaking. I can't say I'm sorry enough. It's really all my fault. I started the singing, I didn't stop dad from stopping the breaks earlier. I took away your humanity. Edward said that I need some physiological help, but would that mean I'm crazy? I don't like to think I'm crazy…just…different." I sighed. I looked at the sky and saw that it was twilight again…supposedly my favourite time of day. "I better go; Maria will have a fit if I'm up past dark. I love you all, so much. I miss you so much, everyday. Bye," I finished off awkwardly before heading back to my car and back to Forks.

**A/N – Aww, poor Bella! **

**So…this is the part you PROBABLY don't read, but I am going to say this anyway, please review! Jayden and I will love you forever if you do!  
Don't forget to do my poll!  
*I will let you in on a secret though… 'We Are Broken' is in the lead and I have already completed the first chapter for it…so tell me if you want me to put it up for a little taster of what to come ;) * **


	5. Wrong

**A/N – Since my internet is out = ( I am writing a new chapter =D**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**BPOV **

The nightmares have gotten worse. It isn't even a nightmare, it's a memory, a memory of what I've done, and this was the consequence, a constant reminder of what I'm desperate to run away from. What happened to repent? I've been free for almost two years now. Didn't I deserve just the least bit of compassion? I've done terrible things, but I don't want to go to hell. I need forgiveness. I need to be with my family. I need to tell them...that I'm sorry. I need too.

_***start* **_

_I'm awake. _

_The room is white and as far as I know, I'm alive. I could be dead, in heaven maybe. But, in heaven, aren't you meant to be happy and surrounded by family? I wasn't happy or surrounded by my loved ones. I was alone, completely alone. _

_I opened my eyes a little wider. I was in a hospital. I knew this because beds and chairs surrounded me, and I had a monitor keeping track of my heartbeat beside me. This was the only company I had in the room, the little beeping of the machine. The rest of my family must be in a different unit, they had worse injuries than I did. _

_I looked down to see what I had. My entire left leg was covered in a cast, a thick one too. So was my arm. I had cuts all over my other arm and a large cut on my right leg. But, I was alive and breathing. Bigger things were on my mind. _

"_Ah, Miss Isabella, your awake," The nurse smiled as she walked in with a chart in her hand, it was so movie. _

"_Where's my family," I asked bluntly, but weak. The nurse's smile slipped slightly. "They are okay, right?" I panicked. _

"_I am so sorry Isabella but the rest of your family didn't make it," She squeaked out. _

"_W-w-what?" I choked out, tears running out, my breathing fast and a sweat on my forehead. My heart race had picked up. The beeping on the machine was going much faster now. The nurse's eyes were wide with worry. _

"_They died due to intact," She whispered. _

_I was drowning. I was alone and I was drowning. No. I was drowning with my family happily, but these people yanked me back to land again. I don't deserve to be here. I should be the one to leave. They deserved to live, needed to live. Or else I couldn't. _

"_What? No, no, no, please god, no." I moaned, twisting a little my sobs echoing the hallway. _

_I would never see my mom._

_  
I would never see my dad._

_I would never see Jayden ever again. My baby brother. I was mean't to protect him. I was mean't to make sure no harm would ever come to him. Whether it was a broken leg to a broken heart...it's too late now.  
_

"_No! Please, tell me your lying, please, no, no, no, please it can't be, I can't, I can't please, it isn't true, please, No!" I chanted, choking on my sobs and coughing like a lunatic. "Oh God!" I screamed out. _

"_Doctor!" The nurse stressed, trying to keep me still. _

"_I can't, no! Please…" I moaned, my whole body shaking. The last thing I saw was a rather large needle. _

_I awoke to my white hell again. My face sore and sticky from my crying. I couldn't feel the tears falling anymore. I was numb. _

"_Hello, Isabella," A gravely voice breathed. I turned to see Billy Black, Dad's best friend, his eyes showing kindness and sorrow but his mouth was in a thin line. "You're coming home with me," he patted my hand. _

_And that was that. _

_*End of dream* _

I woke with a start. Tears and sweat streaming down my face. I took a few deep breaths to steady myself. I fell out of bed and ran down the stairs and too the kitchen. I opened the freezer and stuck my head in, taking gulps of the cold, fresh air to cool me down. I shut the freezer and sat at the table. I stared at the medicine cabinet.

_I really do need help. I shouldn't be doing this. _

I looked out the window and saw that rays of sunlight were beaming through. I sighed and got up, with one last lingering look at the cabinet, and left the room.

_You can't fucking do this anymore. It's over. _

I put on my skinny jeans and a large light blue hoodie, pulling on my black converse. I straightened my hair and put on some eyeliner. I wanted to look nice for some reason. I grabbed my notepad and my rucksack and walked downstairs. I looked at my car and sighed. I couldn't drive today. I got out my cell and dialled a number sadly.

"Hello?" my favourite voice mumrured.

"Hi Edward, um can you give me a lift today?" I softly spoke into the phone, glancing around my porch; I sat on the pavement and rested my head on the column.

"Sure, Bella. Is your car broken?" He sounded slightly amused. I sighed and looked down.

"I just…don't want to ride my truck today," I stuttered out, blushing.

"Again?" He sighed. "What was it about; I am coming up to your house now,"

His car pulled in and I got into it. I didn't look at him but I could feel his gaze on my shoulder.

"What was it about?" He asked softly. I looked at him slightly; his eyes were screaming 'Worry'.

"I was in the hospital. It was the day after the accident. I woke up alone, with my accidents and my nurse came in. She told me that my family w-were dead and…" I trailed off, wiping my teary eyes. I will not have a breakdown in front of Edward. I was tougher than that. I took a deep breath and looked at him.

"I'm sorry…" he breathed out, his eyes glistening, "I know this isn't what you want to here, but I truly am."

"It's all in the past right?" I cracked, flashbacks overcoming me. I had made many mistakes in the last eight years. I could only hope God would forgive me so I don't go to hell. I was trying, honestly I was, but I just keep making mistakes, its like a cycle. I mess up, I move, I get into trouble and mess up again. It was draining the life out of me. I miss the person I was. I find myself wondering how different I would be if I was like the old Bella. Edward would have liked the old Bella. She was happy. She was carefree.

"You won't pay for your mistakes Bella. It wasn't your fault." He said softly. "Just keep moving forward and your past gets further and further away."

"Jacob was my fault," I mumbled incoherently.

We drove in silence until we got to school. I didn't like the silence. It screamed the truth. I looked at Edward sorrowfully before getting out of the truck and preparing for school.

**A/N – So this isn't very long, but if I have time I will update again this weekend. **

**So you now know it's deeper than you think. Before you ask, I won't tell you what happened with Jacob, you shall find out later in the story ;) **


	6. Nearly Unnoticed

**A/N – You better Review =) As said, I did done the next chapter :) Oh! And on my profile is the summary of a VERY future story, I got a lot of stories to complete as you can see so I am in a tough writers stage, but I love you all so type away I do. **

**BPOV **

A Book of quotes. It was inspirational at the least. I stared down at the blank piece of paper in front of me and sighed. I am having some poet's block. This is not good; I need a poem for English in twenty minutes about our feelings. I hate creativity week. It shows my weaknesses.

What was I feeling right now?

Numb. Depressed. Self-pity. Anger. How do I get this all down? All I do in life seems to be wrong. God is obviously punishing me.

However, he gave me Edward, and I am thankful for that…without Edward…I knew what I would be doing right now and I don't want to go back to that. Ever. So I am slightly thankful as well as the other emotions. I shall go with depressed since it seems to be the easiest. I scribbled something down and sighed. Someone bumped my shoulder as they walked past me, not bothering to say sorry or anything.

I was invisible. Merely a shadow of someone else. Of Edward. I was known through him because he was dating Tanya and I was the pathetic best friend, who everyone thought was suicidal. See what I mean about my poem's giving wrong messages, it was a lose-lose situation, it always was with me. I screamed bad luck. If I found a four-leaf-clover, it probably would die or something like that. I avoid Friday 13th.

The bell rang and I trudged to my English class. Rose was already there, smirking and tapping her desk. The class were fixated on her, obviously. I laughed and sat in the seat next to her.

"You are soaking up the attention," I whispered to her, getting out my books.

"If you got it, flaunt it," She laughed, flicking her hair back. I rolled my eyes and smiled. Miss Garson walked in then, carrying a load of papers and her glasses sagging.

"Right class, I would like you to read out your poems today! I am so excited to see what goes on inside your teenage mind." She smiled. She only wished she hadn't seen what I have. Four times.

"Rosalie, why don't you go first?" She looked at Rose and nodded. Rose slowly got up and strutted to the front, smiling smugly.

"_Glorious long days_

_hang from the sun until dark,_

_beauty stacked upon beauty_

_and all of it for Love._

_Vast prairie of day_

_with another one to follow,_

_the trees burning fires in the sky._

_Tme is a lazy, tame horse_

_and leisure a profession._

_No imperative exists_

_but to drift like a cloud_

_Through the sky of my day,_

_doing whatever I love."_

We all clapped and she sat down happily, folding her poem in half. I found myself growing nervous, everyone seemed to be writing happy, cheerful poems. I would stand out majorly.

I watched and clapped until it was, sadly, my go.

"Ah, Miss Swan, wow us with your creativity," She smiled at me as I stumbled up to the front.

"_She is lonely_

_Even though you can't tell_

_She is reaching out_

_For what, she doesn't know_

_She will continue to sit in silence_

_And hope that someone may stumble across_

_Her and all of her emptiness_

_But they only hope that they do it in time_

_Otherwise she will have drifted too far_

_And she may let go_

_Of whatever grasp of the world she has_

_As she slowly fades out of the lives of everyone_

_Nearly unnoticed_" I stuttered, shaking a tiny bit.

I didn't get a response from the class. Not even Rose had something to say. I gulped and walked back to my seat.

"Err…right. That was lovely, Bella. Jessica?" Miss changed the subject quickly; I looked down at the table.

**What was that? – Rose. **

_A poem. What else would it be? – Bella. _

**It wasn't a poem. It was a freaking suicide note. – Rose. **

_Later. – Bella. _

The bell finally rang and I walked swiftly out of class, turning my iPod up to full volume. I walked to the cafeteria, deciding to skip the next period. I sat in the small corner. I pick out my notebook and begin scribbling my own little quotes.

_~ Every tick of the clock is another second waiting for you ~ _

_~Everyone knows 2__nd__ best is never better than having perfection ~ _

_~ I'm sorry I've said I'm sorry a lot, but I mean it every time ~_

_~ When the world says 'Give Up' hope says 'Try one more time'_

I gave up after that, leaning back against the wall and closing my eyes, letting the lyrics take over my mind.

_'I see it around me, I see it in everything._

_I could be so much more than this._

_I said my goodbye's this is my sundown._

_I'm gonna be so much more than this._

_With one hand high, you'll show them your progress._

_You'll take your time, but no one cares._

_No one cares.'_

After that, I remember slowly fading into unconsciousness...

_***start of dream* **_

"_We're Home," Billy said warmly, his face still blank though. I nodded and grabbed my crutches, getting out the truck. My face was hard and sticky from all the tears that have left my eyes constantly since I've heard the news. _

_I hobbled to the trunk and got out my bags with my good arm. Billy kindly took them and led me to the warm house. It smelt like…family-warmth, happiness, and love. It made me nauseous. _

"_Guys! Come down and greet Bella!" Billy called upstairs. The feeling of sick was growing. I shuddered a little. _

_Four figures came dancing downstairs all they're faces happy. I was angered, they were happy of my presence! They should be remorseful. Does no one realise I am alone now? _

"_Okay, Bella. This is Rebecca and her boyfriend Jason," Billy smiled. Rebecca had long, curly, dark brown hair and tanned skin. She was beautiful. Jason had light brown hair, brushed over his eyes slightly and hazel eyes. _

"_Pleasure to meet you, Bella." Rebecca smiled. I nod at her, blushing slightly_

"_This is Rachel," Billy gestured towards the other girl. She had short, straight brown hair and black eyes. Her face held sadness and pity. She wrapped her arms around me. I stood awkwardly. _

"_I'm so sorry," She whispered in my ear. I nodded mutely, another tear slipping. _

"_And this is Jacob," Billy finished, nodding towards his son. Jacob was about my age, maybe younger. He had a large grin on his face, white teeth sparkling. His face was tan and he had black, spiky hair. His eyes were a mahogany colour. _

"_Nice to meet you, Jacob" I whispered, my voice cracking at the end. That's what you get for not talking in a full week. _

"_It's always a pleasure, Bella," His smile grew. _

_Maybe it wouldn't be so bad...  
_

_*End of dream*  
_

"Bella? Wake up," A voice whispered. I whimpered slightly, tears on my cheeks. I peeled my eyes open, a few more tears pouring out, to face Edward's. "Thank god," he whispered. Edward looked worried. Very, very worried. This was never a good sign. His eyes were sad and his hair was messier than normal; I could practically see him running his hands through his hair.

I coughed a little and sat up, my head spinning. I wiped my eyes feverishly, embarrassed. It was so me to fall asleep in the middle of school. Truth be told I didn't get much sleep last night.

"Sorry," I mumbled, voice thick with sleep. I breathed out shakily and looked around; the cafeteria was empty apart from Edward and me.

"Don't Apologize. What was it about this time?" He whispered, brushing hair out of my face.

"It wasn't a sad dream; it just brought back sad memories." I murmured, closing the conversation.

"I wish one day you will tell me more of your past." He muttered, defeated.

"Honestly, you don't want to know." I told him.

Edward was always a stubborn person. Like Jacob

**A/N – Growing suspicious? Well R&R ;) See ya next weekend!**


	7. New Story

**Every Rose Has a Thorn**

This is an average story, but it isn't for me. Because though you may read the descriptions and understand it, you have never experienced it. You will never know what it's like to be me. If you try, you will, but most people don't. They promise they're parents that they will not do it. Just like I did. But that was before almost everyone rejected me. I had to do it. It helped somehow.

I'm Isabella Swan.

The messed up teenager.

The one everyone fears.

But no one knows _why _I am like this.

No one knows the pain.

No one knows the pleasure.

No one knows.

But you will.

Now.

If you want to know my story, you have to know Edwards.

I'm done here for now, I'll make an appearance at the end.

Don't judge me.

Because you just don't know.

**A/N – Just a new story I'm conjuring up ;] It won't be up for about an eternity (but I am finishing Selfless soon) so…tell me what you think!**


	8. Thoughts

**A/N – Okay…So I haven't exactly updated a lot lately. But, I have had a hectic few weeks and all the freaking homework. Grr. **

**Disclaimer: Do I need to say it? **

**BPOV **

It was cold. It was always cold in Forks. There is the rare sunshine…but I found myself hating that even more. Always reminders. Everywhere. I can never forget…God obviously doesn't want me to forget. I should be punished. I should be punished until my eyes burn and my legs collapse. I deserved it.

It was ripping a hole in my chest. It was as if I was tattooing names onto my heart and my mind. Never leaving. Always existing. It hurt so much. I just needed anything to relieve the pain. _Anything_.

I knew drugs, cutting and alcohol were an option, but it couldn't find myself going down that path again, it was too risky. It _was_ a relief, but a dangerous one. I wanted too, so bad. But, I couldn't go back to him…the therapist. He twisted my words and made me feel like a killer. I hated him with all I had.

Yes, I had been there before, but I don't want to go into it…I hated my past like it was the fiery pit of a thousand hells. I had made so many mistakes in my life. I had broken almost every sin…I still had my virtue though. I planned to keep that one. I wanted to…I wanted to…make them proud? Yes. I wanted them to look down at me and say, 'That's her. She's had a tough time. But look at what it has made her…I'm so proud.'

…But that wasn't going to happen any time soon. Not even I was proud of myself like I had once been.

I was never boastful, but I was proud of what I accomplished. Secretly, of course, I kept a box of what got gold stars and what made the fridge. Not a lot of my work made the fridge, but when it did, I would always get a kiss from mom and a hug from dad and then a sundae. I always worked extra hard because I loved it when my work was on the fridge. It was a goal of mine.

Aunt Maria never put my work on the fridge. Ha. It was pathetic to think she even would. She never cared. She resented me. Well…she's not exactly nice either. Maybe it was only to me. She had more than one reason to hate me. If anyone knew…they would all hate me too. Heck, I despise myself. Every night I wish I were a better person.

Someone Edward would like. He would like the old me…the over achiever. Or maybe Tanya is more his type. That's probably why he's dating her. But…how can he like someone so…brainlessly slutty, and a right bitch at that. I knew Edward too well to know that he only goes for looks…that's just not him.

He's…Edward. He's funny, sweet, and possessive. He's smart, not exactly at English, but he mostly excels at everything. He reads children books. He works part time at the hospital, serving food to people. He gives a random fact every day. He loves marmite. Out of all the spreads, he loves freaking marmite. He knows he's gorgeous and rich…but he doesn't flaunt it. There's no way to describe him.

…I could never live up to that. I was just…Bella. Boring. Depressing. Average. I find it hard to please everyone. Not even in my best subject is the teacher proud of me, Not that I ever put much effort in.

I'm surprised I even had friends, I wouldn't be friends with myself if I was duplicated myself. I was a failure. I…urgh.

I looked up at the clock and saw that it was time that I got 'up'. I had been sitting at the kitchen table for the last nine hours, going over every single detail of my life, where it all went wrong. It seems it took up all of my time.

I slowly trudged upstairs and made my way to the bathroom. I stripped out of my ragged pyjamas and climbed into the shower. This was the one time of day where I can just relax. The hot water did a good job at washing all of the thoughts out of my head…shortly. I scrubbed my hair with my strawberry shampoo. Once it was all rinsed out, I turned the shower off and turned out.

I walked back to my bedroom and opened my wardrobe. I didn't usually care what I wore, and I still don't. I got out my black rolling stone t-shirt and my skinny jeans. I pulled on my grey converse and tied the laces. I stood up and walked to my dresser, pulling a brush through my mess of a hair.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Even after nearly an hour of getting ready, I was a mess. You could see the purple bags under my eyes and the faint scars on my cheeks. The doctor promised they would be nearly unnoticeable, he was right, but I could see them and the pain behind them.

I looked at myself one more time, sighed, and walked out of the door. I didn't want breakfast today so I headed straight out of the door. I looked at the big, Chevy truck and shuddered. I wouldn't be riding that today.

I walked down my road and began the long journey towards school. It was about a mile or so, but once you wake up in the middle of a street, you begin not to care. I ran my hands through my hair and looked up. The sky was calm, the breeze was thin, it was peaceful. However, I was fighting an internal battle.

I hid it well. Sometimes not even I knew the raging pain my heart was feeling, broken twice and on the verge of getting broken again. Edward didn't know how much of a deal he is to me, he could make or break me, and this fact alone terrified me. Who survives their third broken heart?

I shook my head and began to walk back down the road. It wasn't fair how everyone else had such normality. They could go on…dates and not worry about what speed there boyfriend was going at. I wanted it. I wanted to erase my past and stop being afraid. It had ruled my life…for too long.

Ha, like that was ever going to happen any time soon. I wasn't normal. I'm not, but I hide it well. I could almost seem like a…emo. That was normal these days. You look at other depressed teenagers, dressing in black and cutting your wrists. Or Goth, they only wear black and are depressed. I looked down at my outfit…it wasn't all black so I'm good on the Goth and emo labels.

I'm…jaded. Yeah, that's a good way to describe it. I was worn out, in the both physical sense and the mental sense. I try so hard to please. I wanted praise. I wanted something to prove that I'm not all hopeless. That I could still be someone if I wanted too…I just wanted that.

I was nearing the school now and it had just started raining. I didn't have a hoodie on today. I guess the calm didn't last long then huh? I cursed beneath my breath and wrapped my arms around my bare arms. Damned karma is playing up on me again.

Some of these days, I don't feel like I'm in the right body, That this Bella isn't right. I'm not her. I've become who I don't want to be. All I want to be is me. I have changed so much in the past four years I'm not even sure who the real me is anymore.

I have gone from Happy Bella, Depressed Bella, A Bella I do not even want to mention, and now Jaded Bella. I just wanted…Bella. No title.

I turned into the school parking lot and looked around. I was the first one here for a change. I walked to the only place I thought was appropriate.

The library.

Miss Mulberry smiled warmly at me and went back to her stamping, Fine by me, who likes the attention anyway? Oh yeah, Tanya. She reined it in as if it was heroin to her body. Okay…bad pun, I'm one to talk, the English scholar.

I went down the path Edward went yesterday, the medical path. Edward wanted to be a doctor, so it wasn't surprising for him to be here or the fiction section.

I have spent most of my life in a hospital. I was overly clumsy for my age, I still am. After the accident, I spent six weeks in recovery. Internal bleeding and two broken legs really knock the wind out of you. Then…it all went downhill.

I cautiously grabbed the mental disorders book and sat down, glancing around the library out of anxiety. I opened the book and studied it's context. The list of phobias and disorders that could come up in the mind…it made me nauseous. I took a deep breath and washed the feeling away, I turned back to the book.

I found that the more I read, the more I found that I could relate to what I was reading, and it scared me. Did I have a mental disorder? I can't have one…right? The therapist said that I was fine…but then again when did I ever tell him what was really going on. I lied to him. I wanted to get out, anywhere other than that…place.

One in particular stood out for me though. And it is called P.T.S.D. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Symptoms…flashbacks, anxiety…nightmares. Holy crap. I snapped the book shut.

I turned and ran out of the library, ignoring Miss Mulberry's worried glances, I had to get out of there. It was all becoming just too much.

I knew I should do something about this…But I don't think I can. What normally happens to people with mental disorders? They go to the psychiatric ward. And I am not going there. I will never go there. I had seen the people that go there, and I am not one of them. I was normal. A little jaded, but normal nonetheless.

I walked to my first class, of course, I was a little early, but not so much so I was the first one there. There was still Eric. Okay…so he is a nerd, but at least I haven't demoted myself to being the first one here.

"Hey Bella," Eric said casually, but there was a hint of nervousness behind it. But, I am not surprised, I come across as a bit hostile sometimes, it saves me getting hurt, the less people I come across the less damage is done. Edward didn't know how much danger he could possibly be in. I used to joke about being a danger magnet…but now everything I love just…falls apart.

"Hi Eric," I greeted, smiling, taking my seat at the back. I ran my fingers through my hair and took composer. I would not let the piece of information I just read let my guard down. I simply wouldn't. I would store it to the back of my mind with the rest of my problems. I will deal with it when the times needs be. I will focus on now.

"You look…different today, Bella." Eric complimented, giving me an off-putting grin. Eric was also a greasy slim ball, going for girls that are in no intentions of going out with him, me being one of those people.

"Uh, thank you," I murmured, looking down. This was starting to make me nervous. You know, that feeling that something is definitely wrong…natural instinct.

I could feel a slimy hand lifting my chin up, forcing me to look into his dark, scary eyes. I felt a tremor down my spine. I was scared.

"Good enough to…mm…eat," Eric purred, and then grinned, leaning in more so we were inches apart. Oh hell no, I was not having my first kiss with Eric Yorkie. I tried to pull back but the fucker is stronger than I am. He held my chin tight and forced his mouth to inch closer to mine…

"Yorkie, what the fuck do you think your doing?" A hero growled. I turned to see who it was. Of course, it's Edward. Who else would help little Isabella Nobody? Thank god, he did though. I had never heard Edward swear before, it was…sexy?

Edward looked a little tired today as well. He was wearing baggy jeans and a grey hoodie. His hair was wilder than ever and his eyes had purplish bags underneath him. He looked…exhausted.

He yanked Eric's hand off my face and pushed him back so that he fell over. Eric scrambled up and ran out of the room. Edward turned back and stroked the place were Eric gripped; it still stung.

"It should sting a bit, right?" he asked, I nodded at him slowly, "It wont bruise," he murmured, taking his hand away and sitting next to me. "I swear to God if he touched you…," he growled.

"Well, he didn't, so," I concluded, flexing my jaw, damn that hurt. I turned to look at him again, "How many hours of sleep did you get last night?" I asked quietly, lightly touching the bags under his eyes. He flinched slightly under my touch.

"Not much," he grumbled, running his hands through his hair and rubbing his neck. "I look like a mess right?"

"A bit," I told him, honestly. "Why didn't you get much sleep?" I asked, raising my eyebrow slightly.

"Uh…I got a lot on my mind," He whispered, turning to look away, at the window.

Edward did not talk to me the rest of the class.

**A/N – Ooooooooh, Drama!! **

**Reviews make my day, and it is freaking raining here in England, grrr**


	9. 60 Days Trailer

60 Days

Cancer is not just a word. It is a sentence. The doctors tell you a certain amount of days, months, or years before that is it. You have to go through tests, chemo, biopsies, and it all ends with the same fate: You die. You might not die physically, but you die inside. You just…lose it. You begin to degrade away, losing all pride in yourself. You are a cancer patient. No one will treat you the same.

And its not even you're fault, even though you are the one to blame. You are the one who didn't notice the bruises on your back or the lump on your breast, the signs that brought this on. The doctors can't treat it if YOU didn't notice.

That is when it all changes.

You begin to notice _everything_. You realise how much you have taken everything for granted. You savour everything from a walk in the park to a simple glass of water, because soon, you won't be here to do that stuff anymore.

No one wants this. No one wants to die. Everyone wants to live until eighty and die peacefully in their sleep. Not many people get it in the end.

People are shot, stabbed, ran over, most of us won't die peacefully. But, even though they are dead, they didn't expect it, it was an accident. They didn't get told that they were going to get killed like that, they didn't know.

Cancer patients always know, even if we don't want to.

Why should they? Why can't death come unexpectedly or even peacefully? That's what ruins it for me.

I was given 6 months to live.

That was 4 months ago.

I now have 2 months left.

60 Days.

And that's it.


	10. Revelations

**A/N – Sorry it has taken me AGES to update, but basically I am writing an original story with original characters, so I'm kinda stuck on that one at the moment, so yeah, I might add it too fiction press, I'm not really sure yet to be honest =) **

**For the record '60 days' WAS a story, I don't have cancer =|**

**  
Anyway, on with the story, eh?**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, but I totally own this plot, and if you think of copying it, I will be on you faster than you can say BACON.  
**

**BPOV**

"Edward, you haven't spoken to me all day." I noted quietly, biting into my sandwich.

Ever since the morning Edward has been avoiding me, as in if he sees me in the hallway, he'll walk the other direction. I would normally just accept it, if it were another person. But, this is Edward, and he is my life. I can't just ignore that like everything else.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't want you to think that," he whispered back, running his fingers through his hair, grabbing it by the roots.

"Stop, you're going to damage your hair, what's wrong with you?" I asked, gently pulling his hands away from his hair. Even though he did not know it, Edward meant a lot to me, probably more than he should.

"It's just…What's wrong with _you_, Bella?" He asked, pained, his bloodshot eyes giving me an intense stare, that I couldn't find myself to look away from.

"What are you trying to imply here?" I muttered, bitter. Edward was the one person who I thought would take me better and worse, no questions asked. I am hoping he will just drop the subject.

"I didn't mean it like that. You seem…so…lost. I want to help you, Isabella, but I don't know what's _wrong_. I feel like you aren't telling me the whole truth. Actually, I feel like you haven't told _anyone_ the whole truth. Why can't you trust me? I have told you everything about my life. Yet, I seem to get nothing in return," he snapped, slamming his drink down so fast it spilled a little. He looked at me impatiently. I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes.

"I want to tell you, Edward. I really, really do. It is not that I don't trust you, I do. A lot, but as you said, I can't tell anyone, I can't get close to anyone… it's just so, I'm just so… I…_can't,_ just can't bring myself to tell you. I'm sorry. I will though, soon. But, I…" I trailed off, tears forming in my eyes. I shook my head quickly and blinked back the tears. I wasn't going to cry anymore.

I cringed as the tears slipped out and down my face, so much for not crying.

"Uh, I-I gotta g-" I coughed and walked off, pushing my lemonade bottle over and pulled my hood up. I shivered as tears just…fell.

I wish I could tell him. I want to. I trust Edward. I do. But…I'm scared that he wont like me when he finds out how terrible I am. I'm so broken and I can't be fixed, ever. Once, you can make up for, twice is a crime. I'm in jail. My life is a sentence.

I collapsed on the ground and did what I did best, cried. I cried because I'm pathetic, and a waste of a human life. All those babies in heaven just waiting for release, and here I am, in a perfectly healthy body, just wasting my life away.

I opened my eyes and saw Edward leaning over me with platonic worry in his eyes, I wanted to close my eyes again, but once transfixed on his emerald orbs, I was hooked like a drug abuser.

"Are you alright?" he croaked, flopping beside me. My eyes followed his movements as he lied down and then sat back up again. I was silent, and I don't know for how long. It must have been a long time since Edward began to look at me funny. I blinked and ate air as I tried to speak, gaping like a fish.

"Uh…I…guess," I sighed, defeated. Everything was so different lately; we weren't carefree like we were. Edward was more distant, if he wasn't trying to figure me out. It hurt, I was beginning to think I was an experiment of his, and I knew it was true because once he got an answer out of me; he would go off with Tanya or someone else. He was becoming one of them.

"Why are you so upset, Bella?" he whispered, his voice cracking. I shivered as I felt his breath on my neck; I looked at my knees in distraction. I wasn't going to tell him. But I will reveal something, something that I had not seen in a long time.

"Can you come with me? I want to show you something, please," I smiled slightly, standing up. He stood up with me and held my hand, it was a simple, friendly gesture and I shivered again as the electricity flowed through us, bonding him and me together.

The drive to my house was quite, but comfortable. We were still silent as we walked into the house and into the living room.

"Make yourself comfortable," I smiled slightly, letting go of his hand. Edward's eyes flicked to his arm briefly, but then he looked up and smiled. "I'll just go and get them, be right back," I hurried, running out of the room and up the stairs.

In the attic, I got the dark, dusty box and lifted it down, carefully walking down the stairs as the box was huge, and I couldn't see above or below it. I made it back to the living room okay.

When I could see again, I noticed that Edward was standing by my 4th Grade photo. I had a slight gap in my tooth and plaits. I blushed immensely at the little girl I was, but I was smiling at her as well, she was only someone I could envy nowadays.

"Yeah, that's me." I said, and Edward jumped at the sound of my voice, "You seriously didn't hear me? The stairs creak…" I bit my lip, "Sorry" I finished before I could embarrass myself further.

"You were cute," Edward smiled, sitting back on the sofa, "So what's this, then?" he asked, tapping the box. I grinned involuntary.

"If you like the picture, you might love this. These are my home videos; I thought we could watch them…if you like. I mean it's kind of stupid, but it's my way of opening up to you more, because you know, I can't really tell you the whole truth…but if you don't want to do it-." Edward's hand covered my mouth in order to stop me talking. I obeyed and closed my mouth.

"I would love to see these," he smiled softly, sitting back on the sofa. I nodded and went to the box. I picked on at random, it said on the side 'Bella, 1995'.

"Okay then, don't laugh…" I warned as I pressed play and the memories were right in front of me.

_*START OF VIDEO* _

_A camera is zooming on a little girl playing in the sand box. This little girl is three-year old Bella Swan. She has her curly, brown hair in two short pigtails, and her smile is huge, she just had all her teeth. She laughed as threw sand up in the air. _

_  
"What you doing there, Bella?" Renee, Bella's mom, asked, laughing gleefully at her daughter. Bella stood up at the sound of her mother. She waved quickly before brushing herself free of sand. _

"_I do my hair so it looks like the sun," she squealed, her voice high and full of delight. Renee laughs behind the hair. _

"_You're beautiful just the way you are, Bella," Renee says to Bella, which catches her attention, Bella smiles at her mother, her brown eyes sparkling. _

"_Well I think you're the beautifullest' she replies, her voice final, her eyes shining._

"_Thank you, Bella," Renee laughs, leaving Bella to colour her hair. _

_*END OF VIDEO*_

I look at Edward anxiously. I was a completely different girl back then. Edward's look of shock turned into a wide grin suddenly. He looks over at me, his green eyes alive with excited flames.

"Can we watch another? Can I choose?" he asked, quickly, standing up and looking in the box excitedly. I laughed at his enthusiasm.

Edward picked a tape and put it in, running back to the couch next too me. He scopes me up and holds me on his lap. I blushed at the overly friendly gesture, but it still felt lovely to be in his strong arms.

"I didn't know you could ride a bike," Edward whispered into my ear, making me shiver, before the next tape started.

_*START OF VIDEO* _

_Bella is seven years old now. Her hair is just past her shoulders and she was still small for her age, she was equipped with a helmet, knee pads, and elbow pads – she was learning how to ride a bike. _

_Next to her, is her father, Charlie, he has curly brown hair and brown eyes, just like Bella. He was walking the bike whilst Bella skipped down the clear road. _

"_There she was just walking down the street singing do-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-doo!" Bella sung as she skipped, then she stopped suddenly. "This is it! This is the spot where I shall learn," she declared. _

"_Finally, we've been walking for half an hour trying to find the spot," Charlie grumbled, setting the bike down, and picked up Bella, placing his girl on the bike. _

_  
"Dad, I don't know anymore…" Bella squeaked, anxiously. But, Charlie was already pushing her forward. _

_  
"If you don't live now Bella, when will you ever? These are the moments!" Charlie yelled, running faster, which makes Bella yell with him. _

"_What does that mean?" Bella screams, but Charlie has let go. Bella is riding by herself. She continuously screams as she clumsily steers the bike…right into a lamppost. Bella falls off her bike and rolls over on the road. _

_  
"Oh my goodness, Charlie help her! Bella?!" Renee calls from behind the camera, running towards Bella. You could see hands pulling her up, but you could see Bella's face tensing before she bursts in giggles. _

"_Oh my gosh, Bella! This isn't funny, you could have been hurt!" Renee scolded her handing the camera to Charlie before taking Bella and hugging her. _

"_I'm sorry mommy," Bella whispered into Renee's shoulder. _

_*END OF VIDEO*_

I remembered that, I was so scared that mom would be mad at me. Turns out we made cookies. I never did ride that bike again…

"There she was just walking down the street singing do-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-doo!" Edward laughed, rummaging through the box again. I just smiled, happy that he was happy.

The afternoon carried on like that, us watching videos. Some made me laugh, smile, and cry a little bit. I cried for the little girl, how she got so lost. She was so happy, and that happiness will never find its way back to me. I had left this little girl to go down the dark path, and now I can not find her again.

"Bella with our boy" Edward questioned, "Hm, this should be interesting…"

"No, Edward wait-," I tried to stop him, but the video was already playing.

_*START OF VIDEO* _

_You could hear screaming in the background. Bella was ten and on the floor with her hands over her ears. _

_  
"Oh, hush little Bella, this is a good thing, you're mother is having baby!" the nanny, Clarice, rejoiced from behind the camera. Bella looked up with tear stained eyes. _

_  
"But she's in so much pain…"She whispered, her voice wobbling as she heard a loud scream and covered her ears again quickly. _

_Then, Charlie bursts through the room doors, pumping his fist into the air, out of breath but grinning. Bella jumps up and tries to make sense of her father and to why he was so happy. _

"_It's a boy! It's a boy! Ten Fingers, Toes, and dimples on his cheeks!" Charlie shouted, picking Bella up and bringing her back into the room, Clarice following in suit. _

_In the room, Renee is holding a tiny baby in her hands, her face sweaty and red, but she's smiling and crying. Bella rushes up and sits next to her mom. _

_  
"Bella, I would like you to meet your Brother Jayden," Renee whispered, putting one arm around Bella. Bella's eyes are teary still, but she's smiling and playing with the baby's small hands as if they were a precious jewel. _

"_Baby Jayden," she murmured, stroking his rosy cheeks, "I love you little brother," she smiled, kissing his smiling dimpled cheek. _

_  
*VIDEO GOES BLANK * _

I wiped my eyes and looked at Edward anxiously. I had lied to him. He knows. Karma, I hate you. I bit my lip and just stared at his unmoving face. Slowly he twisted towards me.

"Bella, what is…how did…why didn't you tell me?" he questioned, his voice raising, standing up and above me. I cowered under his stare, his penetrating green eyes.

"Because, he's my brother, and I couldn't protect him!" I shouted, standing up to face him, "Two years old, Edward. I had to look at my two year old brother and see a cold, hard, DEAD face looking back at me! I was his big sister, I promised to protect him from any harm, and now he's dead! Imagine that was Alice…your little sister, who you would never let any harm ever come to her, imagine you were there when she died, one second alive, and the next…gone, and never coming back," I started sobbing and shaking by the end of what I was saying.

When I was near collapsing, Edward caught me in my arms and hugged me, squeezing the warmth back in me. I clung to him, crying into his shoulder, trying to get a hold of myself.

But, the video wasn't done yet. A dark haired figure appeared on the screen, his white teeth grinning.

"Jacob," I whispered, grabbing Edward's shirt.

_*CONTINUATION OF VIDEO*_

"_Is this thing working yet? Are you even aloud to borrow it?" A deep voice chuckled. This is Jacob; he has long, black hair, and black entrancing eyes to match. His tanned skin was radiant, but no match towards his white gleaming smile. _

"_Well since it was my parents, and now they're dead, I don't think they'll mind," a sweet voice sang a puff of smoke forming around Jacob, to which he inhaled. The sweet voice laughed, putting the camera on the hood of the car. _

_The once innocent Bella was now a different girl. She was fourteen, and had already gone through puberty. Her face was sickly pale; she had a nose stud and thick black eyeliner. What she was wearing could barely class as clothing since it didn't cover her body much. She had one arm around Jacob and the other holding a bottle of beer. _

"_Hush Bella, they are still alive…haha…in your heart," Jacob burst out laughing; loosing his balance for a second but regains it. He flops to the floor next to Bella. _

_Bella was looking at the floor, but when she looked up for a second or two, she had tears in her eyes. Jacob sighed and hugged her._

_  
"I'll always be there, Bella, for life," he whispered, before the camera falls and switches off. _

_  
*END OF VIDEO*_

Oh Jacob, why did you have to leave me? Oh yeah, I killed you too. Just like the rest of them. I looked at Edward nervously. He was angry.

"What the hell, Bella? Who was that? Was that girl you?" his voice raised, he released me and stood back, his eyes ablaze.

"I can't tell you," I whispered, covering my eyes. I didn't want to see him. Sadly, Edward took my hands and ripped them away from my face.

"Why not?!" Edward pleaded, throwing his hands up.

"Because, you won't like me if I tell you!" I begged for him to understand, to drop it. I wanted us to sit back and watch the videos again, peaceful. But it was too late now, the bag was opening. The bag I had kept so secret.

"Why won't you tell me?! Why are you so scared that I won't like you?!" he shouted, pulling at his hair again.

"Because, I love you!" I raised my voice to his level, barely recognizing what I said. Then I did. I gasped and covered my mouth, closing my eyes tight. I slowly opened my eyes to see him standing there in shock.

"Uh." Was all he said. He just stood there with his mouth slightly open. I nodded quickly and went to tidy up my videos. I brought them up to the attic, and when I brought them back done, he was gone.

I sat on the couch, hugging my knees, numb. The only thing I could recognize was the tears streaming down my face.

**A/N – okay, I hope that was a good enough chapter for such a delay in its presence!  
I have had a really rough time lately and things have been crazy so, I hope you enjoy it(: **

**PP97 x**


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